Boyfriend and I were lounging around his pad the other day, wondering how to fill our evening. After some debate on whether we should go out or stay in, we eventually settled on watching a movie, since that's what we do every night anyway. I know, I know: you wish your relationship was as awesome. I get that all the time.
So we settle in for a comfy night.
"You know," I begin. "I've never seen Star Wars. The original."
"What?" This one word is punctuated by a mixture of incredulity and hurt. "...how? Huh?"
"Yeah. I'd like to see it. I mean, if you think it's worth watching." We have nothing else to watch anyway, I think.
Boyfriend pops out of his seat, curly hair flying, and exits the room. He returns in about fifteen seconds gripping a copy of Star Wars: Episode IV. I have no idea where he got it. Boys must have these kinds of things stashed in secret places, though I'm amazed they can still locate them after a few weeks. In a house occupied by four boys, empty spaces don't remain empty for long, and soon begin to lurk ominously. Case in point: there's a bag of chips that's been on the living room table for about 2 weeks. What's in it? Not chips anymore, I'd guess.
Boyfriend excitedly pops the DVD in to his computer and flops down next to me. I've made him happy, I can tell. I don't want to tell him we're watching Star Wars just because we've run out of episodes of House MD. I snuggle in close instead.
I perk up as John Williams' brass and string overture begins to sound. I've always liked that music. And that yellow text is really cool! I like the scrolling idea. I begin to have high hopes for the rest of the film...
... and am sorely disappointed. Yeah, I know it was the seventies. But we still managed to produce A Clockwork Orange, Apocalypse Now, and the first two Godfather movies in this same era. All are pinnacles of great writing, editing, shooting and acting, and are thought provoking insights in to the human psyche. Not so with A New Hope.
I think what annoyed me most about Star Wars was the lead actor, Mark Hamill. Or more to point, his lack of acting skills. It could be that his main obstacle was the terrible script.
ex:
C-3PO: "This R2 unit is broken."
Luke: "Hey uncle! This R2 unit is broken."
Uncle: "That R2 unit is broken?"
C-3PO: "I think that other R2 unit will suit you just fine."
Luke: "Hey uncle! What about that other R2 unit?"
Uncle: "We'll take that other R2 unit."
Little Alien With The Glowing Eyes: "That R2 unit?"
Uncle: "That R2 unit."
Poor Mark Hamill didn't even have a chance. What actor could work with that script? At least he's cute. I dig the blond, sandy hair. Kinda reminded me of myself. I have big blue eyes too.
I also found the editing to be annoying to the point of distraction. I've been to TV school, so I know a little something about shooting and editing. Not a lot, but a little. Someone should tell these guys that cutting as someone is moving their head and then coming back to that same shot before the head movement is a little bit silly. And I was watching the "Digitally Re-Mastered" version. I shudder to think what the original was like. I hear there were strings. Lots of them.
I know it was meant to be a fun movie. It was fun, kind of. And Mark Hamill does continue to act today, so he can't be that bad. Because of this fun-ness, Boyfriend and I decided to watch the second and the third films.
The Empire Strikes Back is improves slightly on the first. The empty, snowy tundra in the beginning reminded me of good ol' Edmonton. And there's more of Harrison Ford, which is good, because he was a cutie before he became an octogenarian.
The Return of the Jedi had some nice greenery in it, which I found pleasing to look at. Also, the Ewoks look suspiciously like my old dog, Patapouf. I think it's a fair assumption that George Lucas has owned a few Lhasa Apsos in his time.
It's funny to think that as silly as these movies are, boys (and girls) around the world can recite them by heart. Mention an X-Wing, and you've made instant friends of anyone within hearing. Everybody knows the Death Star gets destroyed. I'd never even seen the film, and I knew all about the Storm Troopers. And of course I knew that Darth Vader is Luke's father. Like, Duh.
But why? The movie itself isn't all that good, at least not according to me. When it debuted in theatres back in '77, it was a smash hit. People were lined up around the block for a glimpse of Leia and Luke.
Perhaps it's all about escapism. We like to imagine ourselves up there too. Luke is just like us, poor and rebellious, but becomes the greatest Jedi of all time. He's someone we can really identify with. We want to emulate him, even though he's not well spoken at all and doesn't seem all that upset when he finds his aunt and uncle dead. Weirdo. And flying with aliens would be totally awesome. Though I think I'd break down and teach Chewie English at some point. I can't stand that growling.
All in all, I found the Star Wars Trilogy as disappointment. I can't believe there are three more of these movies! I'll probably watch them too. I like to have something to complain about.
And so, readers, I shall tip you the wink: Avoid Star Wars, and opt for some nice Stanley Kubrick or F.F. Coppola instead. You won't regret it. Every few minutes, George Lucas makes another million dollars. He doesn't need your help.
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